Feeling Croqued by Richard Handscombe

Until last night, I never thought you could make a ham and cheese toastie and sell it for eight pounds. Had I realised that when I was, say, 22, it could have changed my life. I could've been "the toastie millionaire", famous for that one thing.   I'd probably get a knighthood.

The hotel I was at has definitely realised the attraction of a toastie. They've also realised that in order to jack up the price they need to call it something French. So it's a Croque Monsieur.

And it's eight quid.

If you had one for lunch every day, it would cost £2,555.00. That would be £155,855.00 I'd have spent on them in my lifetime. Mind you, I'm not sure what effect eating all that cheese, ham and toast would have had on my health, let alone my bank account. I 've a hunch it would make me fat. And it had too much bread anyway according to my wife.

I had burger and chips and it was stunning. So was the hotel by the way. That's what you get when you sell toasties at eight quid - a great big stylish fabulous hotel. All from selling toasties.

I took the wrong course in life.